How to overcome codependency in your marriage?

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4 Tips For Avoiding Divorce

A reality of modern relationships is the knowledge that divorce statistics have been steadily escalating in recent years.

Even now, all marriages have between a 40 and 50 percent chance of divorce, which increases for second and third marriages, which is why it’s more important than ever to have the necessary skills to ensure your relationship is secure against the threat of divorce.

There are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Here are some key steps to apply to your marriage:

1.Start by understanding and being informed.

You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages.

Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity.

Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data.

All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues.

In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.

The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner.

It’s not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation ‘ information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage.

That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.

2.A solid marriage is one in which you never stop putting in effort to make it better and better.

Good marriages are made.

They don’t just fall from heaven or off the pages of a romance novel.

Unfortunately, many couples still believe that everything will be just fine after the wedding. Well, the wedding may have been absolutely lovely but the hard work of the marriage comes right after!

When the prospect of years together crops up, you just can’t slack off.

Nope, it’s not a matter of stressing yourself trying to please your spouse daily.

It’s a mutual commitment to be ‘other-focused’, to communicate, spend time together, plan and set goals as a couple, lay down guidelines and sticking to them, lay down guidelines and knowing when to change them, dealing with kids and other significant relationships and so on.

And, don’t forget ‘ keeping up the romance, passion and intimacy in your marriage ‘ even if some days, you both are not in sync.

Interestingly, a couple who has put in the effort develop an almost 6th sense about the others needs and desires. Now THAT is effort well worth it.

3. Commitment, commitment, commitment.

Notice that we did not say happiness as one of hey factors in making a successful marriage. It’s not even purely love.

You see, happiness comes and goes and takes many forms. Love grows, wanes, develops and is a given in marriage relationship.

Commitment, though, is something to invest in, to muster, to understand, to renew from time to time.

This is the one constant through the happy and sad times, through the passionate and lovelorn times.

Commitment make people want to stay, make them feel they ought to stay, and/or they have to stay.

What many couples don’t realize is that commitment is a decision.

It’s an act of choice within one mature individual that translates to how this person will be present for another.

It is not a whim nor an extra. It is the true foundation of any relationship.

4.The power lies with you.

I always say that mature individuals make mature, lasting marriages.

What people fail to realize is that, in anything, even a love relationship and more so in one, you can take responsibility and choose your actions.

When the going gets tough, you have the choice to either react to the situation you’re in or to be swept away by a tide of emotion.

When faced by temptation, the temptation will not make you ‘do it’ ‘ you will. It all lies with you.

A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you.

This means that you also have a lot of self-work to do. Work out your issues, mature, learn to love yourself.

These are all part of growing up and growing into a successful marriage.

Even when your partner has issues of his or her own or buckles under the pressure of a crisis ‘ there is still you.

All in all, what I have outlined here are four broad tips on how to avoid divorce.

There are many little details in each tip that you can continue to explore with your spouse as you build a successful marriage.

What are the essential ingredients in an ideal relationship?

In the middle of a workshop recently a pertinent question was asked about what creates the ideal relationship.

We were asked to think of a relationship we had with something in the last week that in one’s mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes.

To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple.

The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

A number of women considered kitchen appliances, favorite clothes or shoes, old friends, neighbours, and treasured items in their lives, and the bond that they had created either between people or with items they used in their lives.

Words such as reliable, dependable, and comforting were used.

When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog.

My dog has very simple needs, requiring only food, shelter, and love.

No matter how my day has been or what kind of mood I’m in, when I get home at night and I’m greeted in such an authentic, transparent, and enthusiastic fashion.

My dog is always excited to see me, and it’s very humbling when you consider it.

I don’t know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night.

No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. His needs are few, yet he gives so much. I call this unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions.

It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to “real” love.

Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect.

You know by now your spouse has faults. You know your spouse is not perfect.

You know your spouse makes mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. You still love them.

You love your spouse because of those imperfections rather than in spite of them.

This is unconditional love.

The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner’s faults.

You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults.

You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay.

That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love?

Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here.

We all clutter our lives with thoughts and emotions, trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let our issues become bigger than they really are and rule our lives.

If you are serious about saving your marriage the key is in finding ways to place the emotional clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through.

It is okay to have faults and make mistakes.

It’s okay to have thoughts and feelings.

But above all of this is the love you have for your spouse, the love you have for one another.

And love will conquer them all.

It is possible to not like your spouse or not like what they are doing and still love them.

It’s possible to not like where your life or your marriage is at but still love your spouse.

The love you have for your spouse and your marriage can remain constant.

It’s time to learn how to reconnect with your life purpose and learn to love unconditionally.

How to overcome codependency in your marriage

Are you married to an addict or someone with deep personal issues?

Is your marriage or family life going through a difficult time because of problems, financial concerns, abuse, or caring for a physically or emotionally handicapped family member?

If so, do you find yourself making excuses for these issues?

Calling in sick for your alcoholic husband? Taking over the housework because your poor spouse is just too depressed to help?

Denying that abuse is going on in your own home? Do you find yourself taking charge and bearing the burdens of the entire marriage or family?

You may be a codependent and this is a serious issue in marriages and families.

You may have learned to be codependent due to your family background.

It happened in your family so you tend to be attracted to the same situation once you marry.

You may have learned behaviors such as making excuses, tuning out, controlling, excessive caretaking, being hyper-vigilant because you feel that you should do something to save your family from shame or to at least diffuse the situation and keep the peace.

You also do this because you desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.

Unfortunately, while such behaviors may reduce conflict and tension for the meantime, they won’t help for the long term.

All you are doing is reinforcing the situation and even, allowing it to worsen.

You are also allowing yourself to be lost within the situation and, in the long run, may find yourself no longer able to cope.

What can you do to overcome codependence in your marriage and family life?

If you are reading this short article and have come to recognize that you do have this problem – congratulations.

That is the first step in beginning to overcome codependence.

Admit that you have a problem and take steps to begin changing it. It will require both self-help and professional help.

More often than not, these issues stem from deep seated psychological problems.

Don’t let shame keep you from seeking the help of a counselor or psychologist.

Additionally, there are programs similar to Codependents’ Anonymous that will help you process your issues and provide you with tools how to overcome them.

Your partner or family member may also need professional help, especially if they are battling clinical conditions or addiction.

Work at getting them the help they need, whether they want it or not.

There are some excellent suggestions in’s ebook “How to Change Your Partner from Addiction, Even If they don’t want to!”

If there is abuse in your home, more radical steps must be taken.

For the sake of your own self-respect and for your children, if you have any, break away from the situation.

Find a shelter or group that will help you gain your independence and help you through healing and recovery.

Codependents need healing too and, once recognized, you should not allow the situation to continue. Get help.

You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery!

My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.

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